Wednesday, August 3, 2011
HURT
I know that hurt is essential- how else would we know what happiness is if there's nothing to compare it to?
But is it really necessary to feel as though someone had Goku punched your chest and your heart had flown out through your back??
As much as I want to believe that this was the best option... I'm not entirely sure. I don't think I can love you from across the country- I miss you too much.
Within a period of about a month, I've been both unbelievably happy and incredibly distraught. And as much as you believe that letting me call things off and end contact between us is what's best for me... it may not be. I've a shocking sense of self-preservation and there's a good chance that what happened tonight could be the dummest thing I've ever done. It hurts so much...
I cannot see why you were so interested in me in the first place and I know that I said I'd moved on from the self loathing, but the more I got to know you and the awesomer you became.. the more I am convinced that you do deserve so much more... and I sincerely hope you find someone that will make you happy.
But is it really necessary to feel as though someone had Goku punched your chest and your heart had flown out through your back??
As much as I want to believe that this was the best option... I'm not entirely sure. I don't think I can love you from across the country- I miss you too much.
Within a period of about a month, I've been both unbelievably happy and incredibly distraught. And as much as you believe that letting me call things off and end contact between us is what's best for me... it may not be. I've a shocking sense of self-preservation and there's a good chance that what happened tonight could be the dummest thing I've ever done. It hurts so much...
I cannot see why you were so interested in me in the first place and I know that I said I'd moved on from the self loathing, but the more I got to know you and the awesomer you became.. the more I am convinced that you do deserve so much more... and I sincerely hope you find someone that will make you happy.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
I could watch you dance all night
It was insanely difficult for me to say this over the phone. I’m not quite used to laying everything out on the table as I can’t normally stand being vulnerable…
You’re genuinely a good person and I’ve never doubted that for even a second- which is rare because I’m overly cautious and letting people in has always been a challenge. I admire your drive, your sense of responsibility and especially your caring and accommodating nature. The time spent in Potch is honestly one of the most incredible memories that I’ll ever have. You know that I like you a lot, but the more I remember (and the more drunken flashbacks I have), the more convinced I am that perhaps being in “like” was an understatement.
I LOVED…
…drinking a (little) bit too much and getting carried up to the hotel room with my legs wrapped around your waist and my arms around your neck while I kissed your forehead, nose and cheeks.
…calling you an arse even though I could never mean it.
…looking across at the lecture theatre at you.
…going to Fiori and being entirely consumed by thoughts of you. Looking into the distance and feeling your gaze follow mine (the warmth I felt knowing that you noticed me was so much more than that of the coffee!).
…the POLE DANCING!!
…the fact that you put glitter in your hair on the day of an exam.
…your cold nose, hands and feet.
…the silences and being completely comfortable in your presence.
…that spring in your step and the energy that exudes from your boisterous personality (it’s infectious).
…being in a room with half a dozen people, pulling the bed sheet over our heads and staring into your eyes while the world faded away.
…rubbing noses and electric charges.
…watching shows in a dark room with you next to me, holding hands and feeling your body vibrate every time you laughed. Smiling at all the instances when you said the dialogue before the characters did. The fact that you were so at ease with yourself, never once did you look around for other’s opinion or approval.
…leaving the warmth of Diversity’s fire when you walked me across the freezing car park just so that I could take a bite of that horrendous veggie burger. You laying your head in my lap and closing your eyes.
…the way your body fits perfectly into my lap when we spoon.
…your sensitive neck and the faint taste of halls in your mouth.
…waking up next to you and
BEING
IN
LOVE
You’re genuinely a good person and I’ve never doubted that for even a second- which is rare because I’m overly cautious and letting people in has always been a challenge. I admire your drive, your sense of responsibility and especially your caring and accommodating nature. The time spent in Potch is honestly one of the most incredible memories that I’ll ever have. You know that I like you a lot, but the more I remember (and the more drunken flashbacks I have), the more convinced I am that perhaps being in “like” was an understatement.
I LOVED…
…drinking a (little) bit too much and getting carried up to the hotel room with my legs wrapped around your waist and my arms around your neck while I kissed your forehead, nose and cheeks.
…calling you an arse even though I could never mean it.
…looking across at the lecture theatre at you.
…going to Fiori and being entirely consumed by thoughts of you. Looking into the distance and feeling your gaze follow mine (the warmth I felt knowing that you noticed me was so much more than that of the coffee!).
…the POLE DANCING!!
…the fact that you put glitter in your hair on the day of an exam.
…your cold nose, hands and feet.
…the silences and being completely comfortable in your presence.
…that spring in your step and the energy that exudes from your boisterous personality (it’s infectious).
…being in a room with half a dozen people, pulling the bed sheet over our heads and staring into your eyes while the world faded away.
…rubbing noses and electric charges.
…watching shows in a dark room with you next to me, holding hands and feeling your body vibrate every time you laughed. Smiling at all the instances when you said the dialogue before the characters did. The fact that you were so at ease with yourself, never once did you look around for other’s opinion or approval.
…leaving the warmth of Diversity’s fire when you walked me across the freezing car park just so that I could take a bite of that horrendous veggie burger. You laying your head in my lap and closing your eyes.
…the way your body fits perfectly into my lap when we spoon.
…your sensitive neck and the faint taste of halls in your mouth.
…waking up next to you and
BEING
IN
LOVE
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”
Today I created a blog. Was gonna call it Shenanigans (Boss lady's pet name for me) but some inconsiderate toolshed is already using it. I have no reasons for deciding to blog, nor do I feel that I need any, because technically it wasn't really my decision. *newsflash* [insert anchorman voice] "FREE WILL DOES NOT EXIST!!" Descartes (the old fart) did not have the courtesy to at least buy me dinner before proceeding to violate me for 3 hours. Yes, we did have the questions before this morning's exam so I have no reason for being unprepared (lube up my ears?). Oh well... I only need 20% to pass the course.
The only thing that can be compared to having to write Philosophy, Politics and Law over consecutive days is honestly Maritzburg' weather. A scorching 38' on one day [muted scream!!!], and then an icy, WET 15' the next. Conducive to studying? -My mates say it's not.
Missing Harley [mentally makes her appear and closes the office door on her... haha!], I know she'd have just the right thing to say to make me feel bad about taking 8 hour-long study breaks to create blogs, but will say it in such a nice way so I won't end up curled up in the foetal position beneath the table like I was after this mornings' exam...
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